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Advice for European travellers coming to The US of A - information provided by the US State Department General Overview The United States of America (the US of A) is a large foreign country situated in the continent of North America. While we aren't the largest country in the world, (Brazil and China are larger), the egos of our citizens more than make up for it. We are the most powerful nation on earth, even if other countries won't admit it to our face.  We are bordered on the south by Mexico, and on the north by Canada, which thinks it is in Europe. While Mexico is an important tourist destination, we haven't figured out what Canada offers besides complaints. We are a young country without historical roots of our own.  We make up for it by appropriating everyone else's and just calling it ours.  We speak American English but in so many accents and dialects that we can't understand ourselves. If you aren't familiar with American English, it is English without a lot of those pesky rules. We are the Americans you've heard so much about. Yes, we know that other people in North and South America could call themselves Americans too, but we took the name first! They can use another name.  Among our many contributions to western civilization are cowboy boots and hats, barbecue, and Hollywood. American is a wonderful place with a history of success called The American Dream . A poor Irish immigrant named Andrew Carnegie became a rich owner of steel mills. A poor Oklahoma farm boy named Marion Robert became Hollywood legend John Wayne. A poor black boy from Gary Indiana named Michael Jackson grew up to become a rich white woman. A former actor who thought he was John Wayne won the White House twice. This shows that anyone can succeed in the USA. The People America has a population of 275 million people, but at least twice that many people live here. Among the legal residents, 50 million people work six days a week, fifty weeks a year, to pay for everyone else. 51 million are not required to work. They are officially classified as victims, usually from some childhood trauma like not getting their twinkies on time. Their job is to justify every government program except the millitary. 52 million citizens are lawyers. Visitors to the US should avoid them, especially around feeding time. At any given time, 21 million people are attempting to get lucky, either by playing lotto , gambling in Las Vegas, or an Internet online casino, while the remaining citizens are either too young or too old to pay attention to more than the television. While Americans are generally optimistic and courteous, our Bill of Rights guarantees each citizen the opportunity to be an asshole if they so desire. The right to free speech can be seen in practice everywhere, except where the speaker is being politically incorrect, and is justifiably silenced with criminal charges of hate speech . Most Americans claim to be religious. and often can be heard loudly using their God's name(s) in vain as they greet each other throughout the day. This is especially common when discussing politics. Half of the people claim a political party but aren't registered to vote, while the other half is registered, but doesn't bother to vote. Visitors can tell which political party an American belongs to by allowing the American to stand next to you. If the American stands on your left side and steals your wallet, (s)he is a Democan. If they stand to your right side and try to sell you an opportunity, they are a Republicrat. While people everywhere drive automobiles, only Americans view driving as a competition blood sport. Our dangerously undersexed citizens have been known to wait outside in line through for more than a week of poor weather to purchase a general admission ticket to a film. The Land and Getting Around America is huge. Unless you are from China, you have no idea how big. Let's say you visit California. You cannot see San Francisco and Los Angeles in the same day, even if you travel between them by plane. You might see them in two days, but most of that time will be spent in line at the airport. If you wish to visit California, plan on at least two weeks. If you wish to see Texas, please understand that their second state motto is The sun done rose, and it done set, and we ain't even half across Texas yet. It is too huge to describe.  If you are driving, plan on two days of hard driving with short stops to traverse it east to west. North to south only takes a day and a half. When driving through the Great Plains, (Kansas, Oklahoma, Montana, Utah, South Dakota, Nebraska, Missouri, ...) remember that the only people who feel comfortable with the full circle sky over a bald earth are sailors home from an extended ocean cruise. We have increased the speed limits in these areas to decrease tourist boredom: in Montana, you can drive 100 mph (167 Klicks). Yes, we know that is slow for European highways, but we are a young country with weak cars. Safety In general, the US is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware that from time to time a major city may erupt in violent riots over a local court decision or be bathed in bullets by pretty-boys with a rap recording contract who are pretending to be tough. If the latter happens near you, please do not become alarmed; you are quite safe. The pretty-boys are notoriously bad shots; recently in Cleveland Ohio, a citizen was surrounded by eight street hoods who pulled guns and fired. The citizen was unharmed.  Four of the gunmen were seriously wounded, two were dead, and the remaining two had to change their underwear before officials would let them into the police station. Apart from a general lack of good food and increased difficulty in having an intelligent conversation, life for the tourist in America generally goes on much as before. That is largely due to the same conditions existing prior to the riot. History America was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, which was a surprise to the civilizations who were living here at the time.  It took 200 years before any significant colonization occurred, but when it did, we did it righteous. The new arrivals quickly set up shop and threw the locals into the cold. With the help of Scots displaced after the Battle of Culloden, we threw the English government out too.  Other important historical figures are George Washington (the father of our country), Ben Franklin (who fathered ten percent of the first generation of Americans), Thomas Jefferson (who wrote a lot of our famous political documents and fathered children with his wife and a few of his slaves). Other significant Americans are Orville and Wilbur Wright who invented lines at airports, Jerry Lewis who taught the world to laugh at us, and Bill Gates who taught us all to swear at a computer. Government America enjoys a trilateral government with a bicameral house. We enjoy it only because we can complain about it so much. Lately, other nations have been complaining so much that we have had to curtail our complaining to defend our politicians against these outside attacks. We don't like that. Those of you who are complaining should come over and live here as illegal aliens and complain with us. Don't worry, you can get the dole like the rest of them. We have two political parties, the Democans and the Republicrats, who should try actually partying a little once in a while. Hypocrisy is rampant, and that's the way we expect it to be. Recently, a top-ranking Democan called the President's economic plan obscene .  The Democans won't label Larry Flint's Hustler magazine obscene, but if you want the government to confiscate less money from the citizens, then you are obscene. Not to be outdone, the Republicrats recently increased their education program. The Leave No Child Behind legislation received an amendment in the Senate that added even if they have to ride in the back of the bus. Culture Americans pride ourselves on our culture. Why not, we stole most of it from really good sources. We are the melting pot of multicultural individualism. You're a nobody unless you can hyphenate your heritage: African-American, Asian-American, et cetera. An exception are Mexicans, who are after all from North America too; they are Hispanic. Warhol said we will each have 15 minutes of fame. American culture is almost that old. Wait, it is changing again. We are not slaves to fads and fashion, we are merely ruled by them. Hey buddy, can you spare a dime? I need to buy some culture. Cuisine Let's face it, if you coat it and fry it, it will all taste the same.  Americans have three spices and a mineral that are used in all foods: black pepper, oregano, cinnamon, and salt. The butter used in the north is replaced by lard in the south.  In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers. Economy America has the largest economy on earth. We are the ship that carries the world. The trouble is that the small countries of the pacific rim are the rudder, and the Belgians are at the helm. It's trouble, only because we aren't Belgian. If we were, we would be fine, instead of in a three year stint in the shithouse. It is surprising that the American economy can slump, because Americans work almost every day of the year. Salaried professionals are expected to work at least 50 hours a week, then take work home with them. America's principal exports are legal services, attack aircraft, intellectual property, US Dollars, tanks and guns, entertainment,  miscellaneous armaments and fast food franchises. Public Holidays America has 18 holidays, but only celebrates 10 of them. Our national holidays are: New Year's day, Washington's Birthday, Lincoln's Birthday (which are celebrated together as President's Day ), Martin Luther King Day (which isn't about the founder of the Lutheran Church becoming King),  Memorial Day, The 4th of July, Labor Day, Flag Day, Thanksgiving Day, Winter
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Well said,,,,,,,,and dam proud of it too. Haggis MacBagpipes < This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it wrote in message : Advice for European travellers coming to The US of A - information provided : by the US State Department : : General Overview : The United States of America (the US of A) is a large foreign country : situated in the continent of North America. While we aren't the largest : country in the world, (Brazil and China are larger), the egos of our : citizens more than make up for it. : : We are the most powerful nation on earth, even if other countries won't : admit it to our face.  We are bordered on the south by Mexico, and on the : north by Canada, which thinks it is in Europe. While Mexico is an important : tourist destination, we haven't figured out what Canada offers besides : complaints. : : We are a young country without historical roots of our own.  We make up for : it by appropriating everyone else's and just calling it ours.  We speak : American English but in so many accents and dialects that we can't : understand ourselves. If you aren't familiar with American English, it is : English without a lot of those pesky rules. : : We are the Americans you've heard so much about. Yes, we know that other : people in North and South America could call themselves Americans too, but : we took the name first! They can use another name.  Among our many : contributions to western civilization are cowboy boots and hats, barbecue, : and Hollywood. : : American is a wonderful place with a history of success called The American : Dream . A poor Irish immigrant named Andrew Carnegie became a rich owner of : steel mills. A poor Oklahoma farm boy named Marion Robert became Hollywood : legend John Wayne. A poor black boy from Gary Indiana named Michael Jackson : grew up to become a rich white woman. A : former actor who thought he was John Wayne won the White House twice. This : shows that anyone can succeed in the USA. : : The People : America has a population of 275 million people, but at least twice that many : people live here. Among the legal residents, 50 million people work six days : a week, fifty weeks a year, to pay for everyone else. 51 million are not : required to work. They are officially classified as victims, usually from : some childhood trauma like not getting their twinkies on time. Their job is : to justify every government program except the millitary. 52 million : citizens are lawyers. Visitors to the US should avoid them, especially : around feeding time. At any given time, 21 million people are attempting to : get lucky, either by playing lotto , : gambling in Las Vegas, or an Internet online casino, while the remaining : citizens are either too young or too old to pay attention to more than the : television. : : While Americans are generally optimistic and courteous, our Bill of Rights : guarantees each citizen the opportunity to be an asshole if they so desire. : The right to free speech can be seen in practice everywhere, except where : the speaker is being politically incorrect, and is justifiably silenced with : criminal charges of hate speech . : : Most Americans claim to be religious. and often can be heard loudly using : their God's name(s) in vain as they greet each other throughout the day. : This is especially common when discussing politics. Half of the people claim : a political party but aren't registered to vote, while the other half is : registered, but doesn't bother to vote. Visitors can tell which political : party an American belongs to by allowing the American to : stand next to you. If the American stands on your left side and steals : your wallet, (s)he is a Democan. If they stand to your right side and : try to sell you an opportunity, they are a Republicrat. : : While people everywhere drive automobiles, only Americans view driving : as a competition blood sport. Our dangerously undersexed citizens have : been known to wait outside in line through for more than a week of poor : weather to purchase a general admission ticket to a film. : : The Land and Getting Around : America is huge. Unless you are from China, you have no idea how big. : Let's say you visit California. You cannot see San Francisco and Los : Angeles in the same day, even if you travel between them by plane. You : might see them in two days, but most of that time will be spent in line : at the airport. If you wish to visit California, plan on at least two : weeks. : : If you wish to see Texas, please understand that their second state : motto is The sun done rose, and it done set, and we ain't even half : across Texas yet. It is too huge to describe.  If you are driving, plan : on two days of hard driving with short stops to traverse it east to : west. North to south only takes a day and a half. : : When driving through the Great Plains, (Kansas, Oklahoma, Montana, Utah, : South Dakota, Nebraska, Missouri, ...) remember that the only people who : feel comfortable with the full circle sky over a bald earth are sailors : home from an extended ocean cruise. We have increased the speed limits : in these areas to decrease tourist boredom: in Montana, you can drive : 100 mph (167 Klicks). Yes, we know that is slow for European highways, : but we are a young country with weak cars. : : Safety : In general, the US is a safe destination, although travelers must be : aware that from time to time a major city may erupt in violent riots : over a local court decision or be bathed in bullets by pretty-boys with : a rap recording contract who are pretending to be tough. : : If the latter happens near you, please do not become alarmed; you are : quite safe. The pretty-boys are notoriously bad shots; recently in : Cleveland Ohio, a citizen was surrounded by eight street hoods who : pulled guns and fired. The citizen was unharmed.  Four of the gunmen : were seriously wounded, two were dead, and the remaining two had to : change their underwear before officials would let them into the police : station. : : Apart from a general lack of good food and increased difficulty in : having an intelligent conversation, life for the tourist in America : generally goes on much as before. That is largely due to the same : conditions existing prior to the riot. : : History : America was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, which was a : surprise to the civilizations who were living here at the time.  It took : 200 years before any significant colonization occurred, but when it did, : we did it righteous. The new arrivals quickly set up shop and threw : the locals into the cold. With the help of Scots displaced after the : Battle of Culloden, we threw the English government out too.  Other : important historical figures are George Washington (the father of our : country), Ben Franklin (who fathered ten percent of the first generation : of Americans), Thomas Jefferson (who wrote a lot of our famous political : documents and fathered children with his wife and a few of his slaves). : Other significant Americans are Orville and Wilbur Wright who invented : lines at airports, Jerry Lewis who taught the world to laugh at us, and : Bill Gates who taught us all to swear at a computer. : : Government : America enjoys a trilateral government with a bicameral house. We enjoy : it only because we can complain about it so much. Lately, other nations : have been complaining so much that we have had to curtail our : complaining to defend our politicians against these outside attacks. We : don't like that. Those of you who are complaining should come over and : live here as illegal aliens and complain with us. Don't worry, you can : get the dole like the rest of them. : : We have two political parties, the Democans and the Republicrats, who : should try actually partying a little once in a while. Hypocrisy is : rampant, and that's the way we expect it to be. Recently, a top-ranking : Democan called the President's economic plan obscene .  The Democans : won't label Larry Flint's Hustler magazine obscene, but if you want : the government to confiscate less money from the citizens, then you are : obscene. : : Not to be outdone, the Republicrats recently increased their education : program. The Leave No Child Behind legislation received an amendment : in the Senate that added even if they have to ride in the back of the : bus. : : Culture : Americans pride ourselves on our culture. Why not, we stole most of it : from really good sources. We are the melting pot of multicultural : individualism. You're a nobody unless you can hyphenate your heritage: : African-American, Asian-American, et cetera. An exception are Mexicans, : who are after all from North America too; they are Hispanic. : : Warhol said we will each have 15 minutes of fame. American culture is : almost that old. Wait, it is changing again. We are not slaves to fads : and fashion, we are merely ruled by them. : : Hey buddy, can you spare a dime? I need to buy some culture. : : Cuisine : Let's face it, if you coat it and fry it, it will all taste the same. :  Americans have three spices and a mineral that are used in all foods: : black pepper, oregano, cinnamon, and salt. The butter used in the north : is replaced by lard in the south.  In general, travelers are advised to : stick to cheeseburgers. : : Economy : America has the largest economy on earth. We are the ship that carries : the world. The trouble is that the small countries of the pacific rim : are the rudder, and the Belgians are at the helm. It's trouble, only : because we aren't Belgian. If we were, we would be fine, instead of in a : three year stint in the shithouse. : : It is surprising that the American economy can slump, because Americans : work almost every day of the year. Salaried professionals are expected : to work at least 50 hours a week, then take work home with them. : : America's principal exports are legal services, attack aircraft, :
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Is it wrong to be proud of the country one lives in? Haggis MacBagpipes < This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it wrote in message Advice for European travellers coming to The US of A - information provided by the US State Department <snipped for bandwith consideration