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So #1) it sounds like you have issues (just my opinion) and #2) you're coming across as judgemental, without giving anyone else the credit they deserve assuming they actually know and have a close relationship with the children they wish to involve. #1, of course i have issues .  everyone has issues.  that's the entire reason i posted the way i did.   #2, what did i say that would be construed as judgemental?  i never said anyone was a bad person, or a bad parent.  i said: maybe this is just me, but i would really urge people to please think twice about buying special jewelry for their children to give them during a wedding ceremony.  imo, it comes across to your children as a bribe of sorts. where's the judgement in that?  i was talking about behaviors, not people - even in a general sense, much less a specific or directed one. i really am truly surprised to see posts from people who have countless friends who were honestly happy when their parents remarried.  i have never in my life, and i'm being truthful here, met anyone who was happy as a child to have their parents split up and remarry. becky

where's the judgement in that?  i was talking about behaviors, not people - even in a general sense, much less a specific or directed one.<< The judgement, in my opinion, was when you told her that there was no way her child was truly happy about her remarriage ... as if you thought she was not familiar enough with her own childs feelings.  If that's not judgemental, it's at least a bit presumptius. <<i really am truly surprised to see posts from people who have countless friends who were honestly happy when their parents remarried.  i have never in my life, and i'm being truthful here, met anyone who was happy as a child to have their parents split up and remarry. Well, honestly, your experiences really surprise me as well ... <shrug different strokes, I guess. Mary to Phil 6/23/2001

The judgement, in my opinion, was when you told her that there was no way her child was truly happy about her remarriage ... as if you thought she was not familiar enough with her own childs feelings.  If that's not judgemental, it's at least a bit presumptius. there are many divorced families, and many emotionally damaged children, and many parents who are certain that their kid is 100% fine; after a while, the math just doesn't add up.  if that's presumptuous of me, i've no problem accepting that particular _title_ in this case. becky

there are many divorced families, and many emotionally damaged children, and many parents who are certain that their kid is 100% fine; after a while, the math just doesn't add up.  if that's presumptuous of me, i've no problem accepting that particular _title_ in this case.<< And there are also many who, after the initial shock, handle a remarriage just fine.   I'm well aware that there are scars that a divorce can leave if not handled properly by the parents ... but unless you know the specific facts of the original posters situation, I think it would be best to leave the hypothesizing to yourself.  I'm assuming that she knows her child and her childs relationship with her future spouse much better than you do. Mary to Phil 6/23/2001

  I'm well aware that there are scars that a divorce can leave if not handled properly by the parents ... but unless you know the specific facts of the original posters situation, I think it would be best to leave the hypothesizing to yourself.  I'm assuming that she knows her child and her childs relationship with her future spouse much better than you do. in what circumstance would there ever *not* be scars? if anyone's situation is genuinely the case that their child did not or will not ever suffer any sort of emotional pain in connection with their remarrying, then more power to them...give the kids enough medallions to rival flavor flav... becky (wondering if anyone here even knows who public enemy is...)

if anyone's situation is genuinely the case that their child did not or will not ever suffer any sort of emotional pain in connection with their remarrying, then more power to them...give the kids enough medallions to rival flavor flav... Perhaps you haven't read about how some kids really do welcome their new parent happily