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WAL-MART EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION   This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .   They hired him because he was so funny.....   NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)   SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)   DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But,seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?   DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz _style_ severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.   EDUCATION: Yes.   LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.   PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.   MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.   REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.   HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.   PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.   DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.   MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?   DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?   DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs?   HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.   DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no!  On my breaks - yes!   WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.   NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles   DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But,seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz _style_ severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs? HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no!  On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Wouldn't it be fun to fill out a job application in a like manner and then sit for the interview!  It might even be worth the time spent applying for a job just to have the opportunity.

WAL-MART EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But,seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz _style_ severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs? HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no!  On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Wouldn't it be fun to fill out a job application in a like manner and then sit for the interview!  It might even be worth the time spent applying for a job just to have the opportunity. Somehow, I think you would just do that!  I couldn't keep a straight face. It reminds me, though, of a real circumstance that came up when I worked for the Fed Gov.  This agency was perpetually reworking performance appraisals and came out with a particular onerous one that involved goal setting and career planning.  Ernie was only 6 months from retirement and wanted none of this, but his boss (a real by-the-book bureaucrat) insisted.  It became the joke of the office as the war between them waxed and waned.  Ernie won.  Goal: Retirement  Career Plans: Fishing

WAL-MART EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But,seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz _style_ severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs? HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no!  On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Wouldn't it be fun to fill out a job application in a like manner and then sit for the interview!  It might even be worth the time spent applying for a job just to have the opportunity. Somehow, I think you would just do that!  I couldn't keep a straight face. It reminds me, though, of a real circumstance that came up when I worked for the Fed Gov.  This agency was perpetually reworking performance appraisals and came out with a particular onerous one that involved goal setting and career planning.  Ernie was only 6 months from retirement and wanted none of this, but his boss (a real by-the-book bureaucrat) insisted.  It became the joke of the office as the war between them waxed and waned.  Ernie won.  Goal: Retirement  Career Plans: Fishing I have  bit of a bone to pick with employment applications.  I once applied for a writer's job with a company that asked (I presume only female applicants), When do you get your menstrual period. I didn't answer the question.  I didn't get the job, but would not have accepted it if it had been offered.  I've also been asked intrusive questions about my husband and how he felt about me working.

On Sat, 29 Jul 2006 15:23:08 -0700, Islander < This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it wrote: WAL-MART EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But,seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz _style_ severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs? HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no!  On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Wouldn't it be fun to fill out a job application in a like manner and then sit for the interview!  It might even be worth the time spent applying for a job just to have the opportunity. Somehow, I think you would just do that!  I couldn't keep a straight face. It reminds me, though, of a real circumstance that came up when I worked for the Fed Gov.  This agency was perpetually reworking performance appraisals and came out with a particular onerous one that involved goal setting and career planning.  Ernie was only 6 months from retirement and wanted none of this, but his boss (a real by-the-book bureaucrat) insisted.  It became the joke of the office as the war between them waxed and waned.  Ernie won.  Goal: Retirement  Career Plans: Fishing I have  bit of a bone to pick with employment applications.  I once applied for a writer's job with a company that asked (I presume only female applicants), When do you get your menstrual period. I didn't answer the question.  I didn't get the job, but would not have accepted it if it had been offered.  I've also been asked intrusive questions about my husband and how he felt about me working. It is a sign of progress that employers cannot now ask these kinds of questions.  At the time there was a great cry of concern that employers had the right to ask these questions because they felt that it would affect an employee's performance.  Today, there is still the obligatory dinner with the prospective employee and spouse, at least for some management positions, but this sort of thing is disappearing.

WAL-MART EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But,seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz _style_ severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs? HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no!  On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Wouldn't it be fun to fill out a job application in a like manner and then sit for the interview!  It might even be worth the time spent applying for a job just to have the opportunity. Somehow, I think you would just do that!  I couldn't keep a straight face. It reminds me, though, of a real circumstance that came up when I worked for the Fed Gov.  This agency was perpetually reworking performance appraisals and came out with a particular onerous one that involved goal setting and career planning.  Ernie was only 6 months from retirement and wanted none of this, but his boss (a real by-the-book bureaucrat) insisted.  It became the joke of the office as the war between them waxed and waned.  Ernie won.  Goal: Retirement  Career Plans: Fishing    Back in the days when people expressed themselves by little button-pins rather than by words on T-shirts, there was one button I always wish I had bought when I saw it: Let's get this organized and take all the fun out of it.   Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom: it is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves