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holidays celebrated in south america America, the biggest joke...!
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a political party but aren't registered to vote, while the other half is registered, but doesn't bother to vote. Visitors can tell which political party an American belongs to by allowing the American to stand next to you. If the American stands on your left side and steals your wallet, (s)he is a Democan. If they stand to your right side and try to sell you an opportunity, they are a Republicrat. While people everywhere drive automobiles, only Americans view driving as a competition blood sport. Our dangerously undersexed citizens have been known to wait outside in line through for more than a week of poor weather to purchase a general admission ticket to a film. The Land and Getting Around America is huge. Unless you are from China, you have no idea how big. Let's say you visit California. You cannot see San Francisco and Los Angeles in the same day, even if you travel between them by plane. You might see them in two days, but most of that time will be spent in line at the airport. If you wish to visit California, plan on at least two weeks. If you wish to see Texas, please understand that their second state motto is The sun done rose, and it done set, and we ain't even half across Texas yet. It is too huge to describe. If you are driving, plan on two days of hard driving with short stops to traverse it east to west. North to south only takes a day and a half. When driving through the Great Plains, (Kansas, Oklahoma, Montana, Utah, South Dakota, Nebraska, Missouri, ...) remember that the only people who feel comfortable with the full circle sky over a bald earth are sailors home from an extended ocean cruise. We have increased the speed limits in these areas to decrease tourist boredom: in Montana, you can drive 100 mph (167 Klicks). Yes, we know that is slow for European highways, but we are a young country with weak cars. Safety In general, the US is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware that from time to time a major city may erupt in violent riots over a local court decision or be bathed in bullets by pretty-boys with a rap recording contract who are pretending to be tough. If the latter happens near you, please do not become alarmed; you are quite safe. The pretty-boys are notoriously bad shots; recently in Cleveland Ohio, a citizen was surrounded by eight street hoods who pulled guns and fired. The citizen was unharmed. Four of the gunmen were seriously wounded, two were dead, and the remaining two had to change their underwear before officials would let them into the police station. Apart from a general lack of good food and increased difficulty in having an intelligent conversation, life for the tourist in America generally goes on much as before. That is largely due to the same conditions existing prior to the riot. History America was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, which was a surprise to the civilizations who were living here at the time. It took 200 years before any significant colonization occurred, but when it did, we did it righteous. The new arrivals quickly set up shop and threw the locals into the cold. With the help of Scots displaced after the Battle of Culloden, we threw the English government out too. Other important historical figures are George Washington (the father of our country), Ben Franklin (who fathered ten percent of the first generation of Americans), Thomas Jefferson (who wrote a lot of our famous political documents and fathered children with his wife and a few of his slaves). Other significant Americans are Orville and Wilbur Wright who invented lines at airports, Jerry Lewis who taught the world to laugh at us, and Bill Gates who taught us all to swear at a computer. Government America enjoys a trilateral government with a bicameral house. We enjoy it only because we can complain about it so much. Lately, other nations have been complaining so much that we have had to curtail our complaining to defend our politicians against these outside attacks. We don't like that. Those of you who are complaining should come over and live here as illegal aliens and complain with us. Don't worry, you can get the dole like the rest of them. We have two political parties, the Democans and the Republicrats, who should try actually partying a little once in a while. Hypocrisy is rampant, and that's the way we expect it to be. Recently, a top-ranking Democan called the President's economic plan obscene . The Democans won't label Larry Flint's Hustler magazine obscene, but if you want the government to confiscate less money from the citizens, then you are obscene. Not to be outdone, the Republicrats recently increased their education program. The Leave No Child Behind legislation received an amendment in the Senate that added even if they have to ride in the back of the bus. Culture Americans pride ourselves on our culture. Why not, we stole most of it from really good sources. We are the melting pot of multicultural individualism. You're a nobody unless you can hyphenate your heritage: African-American, Asian-American, et cetera. An exception are Mexicans, who are after all from North America too; they are Hispanic. Warhol said we will each have 15 minutes of fame. American culture is almost that old. Wait, it is changing again. We are not slaves to fads and fashion, we are merely ruled by them. Hey buddy, can you spare a dime? I need to buy some culture. Cuisine Let's face it, if you coat it and fry it, it will all taste the same. Americans have three spices and a mineral that are used in all foods: black pepper, oregano, cinnamon, and salt. The butter used in the north is replaced by lard in the south. In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers. Economy America has the largest economy on earth. We are the ship that carries the world. The trouble is that the small countries of the pacific rim are the rudder, and the Belgians are at the helm. It's trouble, only because we aren't Belgian. If we were, we would be fine, instead of in a three year stint in the shithouse. It is surprising that the American economy can slump, because Americans work almost every day of the year. Salaried professionals are expected to work at least 50 hours a week, then take work home with them. America's principal exports are legal services, attack aircraft,
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holidays celebrated in south america America, the biggest joke...!
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No mattresses in the Big Apple? Why, have they all been stolen? )O(
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holidays celebrated in south america America, the biggest joke...!
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party an American belongs to by allowing the American to stand next to you. If the American stands on your left side and steals your wallet, (s)he is a Democan. If they stand to your right side and try to sell you an opportunity, they are a Republicrat. While people everywhere drive automobiles, only Americans view driving as a competition blood sport. Our dangerously undersexed citizens have been known to wait outside in line through for more than a week of poor weather to purchase a general admission ticket to a film. The Land and Getting Around America is huge. Unless you are from China, you have no idea how big. Let's say you visit California. You cannot see San Francisco and Los Angeles in the same day, even if you travel between them by plane. You might see them in two days, but most of that time will be spent in line at the airport. If you wish to visit California, plan on at least two weeks. If you wish to see Texas, please understand that their second state motto is The sun done rose, and it done set, and we ain't even half across Texas yet. It is too huge to describe. If you are driving, plan on two days of hard driving with short stops to traverse it east to west. North to south only takes a day and a half. When driving through the Great Plains, (Kansas, Oklahoma, Montana, Utah, South Dakota, Nebraska, Missouri, ...) remember that the only people who feel comfortable with the full circle sky over a bald earth are sailors home from an extended ocean cruise. We have increased the speed limits in these areas to decrease tourist boredom: in Montana, you can drive 100 mph (167 Klicks). Yes, we know that is slow for European highways, but we are a young country with weak cars. Safety In general, the US is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware that from time to time a major city may erupt in violent riots over a local court decision or be bathed in bullets by pretty-boys with a rap recording contract who are pretending to be tough. If the latter happens near you, please do not become alarmed; you are quite safe. The pretty-boys are notoriously bad shots; recently in Cleveland Ohio, a citizen was surrounded by eight street hoods who pulled guns and fired. The citizen was unharmed. Four of the gunmen were seriously wounded, two were dead, and the remaining two had to change their underwear before officials would let them into the police station. Apart from a general lack of good food and increased difficulty in having an intelligent conversation, life for the tourist in America generally goes on much as before. That is largely due to the same conditions existing prior to the riot. History America was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, which was a surprise to the civilizations who were living here at the time. It took 200 years before any significant colonization occurred, but when it did, we did it righteous. The new arrivals quickly set up shop and threw the locals into the cold. With the help of Scots displaced after the Battle of Culloden, we threw the English government out too. Other important historical figures are George Washington (the father of our country), Ben Franklin (who fathered ten percent of the first generation of Americans), Thomas Jefferson (who wrote a lot of our famous political documents and fathered children with his wife and a few of his slaves). Other significant Americans are Orville and Wilbur Wright who invented lines at airports, Jerry Lewis who taught the world to laugh at us, and Bill Gates who taught us all to swear at a computer. Government America enjoys a trilateral government with a bicameral house. We enjoy it only because we can complain about it so much. Lately, other nations have been complaining so much that we have had to curtail our complaining to defend our politicians against these outside attacks. We don't like that. Those of you who are complaining should come over and live here as illegal aliens and complain with us. Don't worry, you can get the dole like the rest of them. We have two political parties, the Democans and the Republicrats, who should try actually partying a little once in a while. Hypocrisy is rampant, and that's the way we expect it to be. Recently, a top-ranking Democan called the President's economic plan obscene . The Democans won't label Larry Flint's Hustler magazine obscene, but if you want the government to confiscate less money from the citizens, then you are obscene. Not to be outdone, the Republicrats recently increased their education program. The Leave No Child Behind legislation received an amendment in the Senate that added even if they have to ride in the back of the bus. Culture Americans pride ourselves on our culture. Why not, we stole most of it from really good sources. We are the melting pot of multicultural individualism. You're a nobody unless you can hyphenate your heritage: African-American, Asian-American, et cetera. An exception are Mexicans, who are after all from North America too; they are Hispanic. Warhol said we will each have 15 minutes of fame. American culture is almost that old. Wait, it is changing again. We are not slaves to fads and fashion, we are merely ruled by them. Hey buddy, can you spare a dime? I need to buy some culture. Cuisine Let's face it, if you coat it and fry it, it will all taste the same. Americans have three spices and a mineral that are used in all foods: black pepper, oregano, cinnamon, and salt. The butter used in the north is replaced by lard in the south. In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers. Economy America has the largest economy on earth. We are the ship that carries the world. The
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holidays celebrated in south america America, the biggest joke...!
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)O(
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holidays celebrated in south america America, the biggest joke...!
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Some jealous person wrote this.
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holidays celebrated in south america America, the biggest joke...!
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Sib <
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wrote in message : GWB jr, the real White House is whitehouse.org. : I'm proud of the constitution! : Hope they don't mess it up! : : GWB jr <
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wrote in message : : Is it wrong to be proud of the country one lives in? : : Haggis MacBagpipes <
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wrote in : message : : Advice for European travellers coming to The US of A - information : provided : by the US State Department : : <snipped for bandwith consideration : : : : :
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